So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
