hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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