So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
