My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
