But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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