How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
