my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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