I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
