i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
