it was like eating out sand paper
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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