I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
