The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
