he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
