dude i'm inner monologue high
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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