somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
