I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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