I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
