There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
