now i know why i became what i already was.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
