I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
