I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
