It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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