I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
