I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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