someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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