We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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