THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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