Someone shit on the floor
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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