nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
