i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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