he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
