Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
