this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
