I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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