i jhust puked up my retainher.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
