she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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