i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
