His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
