ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize