yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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