Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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