Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
