Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
