in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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