Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
