help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
