I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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