Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Too much gin, very little bucket
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
