It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
