i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
