what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
