You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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