He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is wine microwaveable?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
