It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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