so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
