i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
