I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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