I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
