I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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