i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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