i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
