Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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