I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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