Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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