In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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