Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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