Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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