can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
