I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
