If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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