Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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