well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
