Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
