so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
