Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
