dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
