I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
