He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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