So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
